The Freedom to Heal: Forgiveness and Mental Wellness

Forgiveness has always been part of my lifestyle and a principle I live by. I also believe forgiveness is an emotion that can play a factor in our overall health. When we hold onto unforgiveness, resentment and bitterness can live and cause all sorts of health issues. October gives us an opportunity to talk about mental health and the role it plays in our overall well-being. And perhaps one of the most important things we can do is remind ourselves that mental health is health. For far too long, people have sometimes treated mental and emotional struggles as something we should simply get over. But mental health is much more complicated than that. Depression, anxiety, trauma and other mental health challenges can have biological, neurological, hormonal, environmental and situational factors. Physical illness, chronic pain, grief, financial stress, relationship difficulties, major life transitions and even certain medications can affect how we feel and function emotionally. Seeking professional help when we need it is not weakness. It is wisdom.

At the same time, I believe there is another part of our mental and emotional wellness that deserves attention, the things we continue to carry. Sometimes we become prisoners of our past. We replay what someone did to us. We revisit what we did to someone else. We punish ourselves for decisions we made when we did not know what we know today. We carry shame about failed relationships, financial mistakes, parenting decisions, career choices, missed opportunities or seasons when we simply did not show up as the person, we wanted to be. And carrying all of that can become heavy. This is where I believe forgiveness can play an important role in our journey toward wellness. For more than 25 years, I have talked about the transformational power of forgiveness. I have learned that forgiveness does not mean pretending something did not happen. It does not mean excusing harmful behavior. And it certainly does not mean allowing someone who hurt you to continue hurting you. Forgiveness is about releasing yourself from the prison of continually reliving what happened. True forgiveness can change your life forever.

Sometimes the person we need to forgive is someone else. And sometimes the person staring back at us in the mirror needs our forgiveness the most. Self-forgiveness can be difficult because we know the whole story. We remember what we said. We know what we should have done differently. We know the choices we made. But we cannot change yesterday. We can learn from it. We can make amends where appropriate. We can accept responsibility. We can seek help. We can change our behavior. But we cannot go backward and rewrite what has already happened. At some point, we must decide whether we are going to spend the rest of our lives serving a sentence for something that happened in a previous chapter. You are still responsible for your choices, but responsibility and lifelong self-condemnation are not the same thing. Mental health challenges can also affect our decision-making. There may be seasons when anxiety, depression, trauma, exhaustion or overwhelming stress influence how we respond to situations. That does not mean we ignore the consequences of our actions. It means we look at ourselves with honesty and compassion.

We also must remember that our physical and mental health do not live in separate compartments. When our bodies hurt, our emotions can hurt too. Chronic illness, lack of sleep, hormonal changes, medications, poor nutrition, inactivity and prolonged stress can affect our mood and mental well-being. Likewise, ongoing emotional stress can affect our physical health. That is why caring for ourselves requires us to look at the whole person. Taking control of our health does not mean we can control everything that happens to us. It means taking responsibility for the things we can influence and seeking appropriate help for the things we cannot manage alone. Healing may involve therapy. It may involve medication. It may involve changing your environment, setting boundaries, exercising, resting, reconnecting with your faith or leaning on trusted family and friends. And yes, healing may also involve forgiveness. As we recognize mental health awareness this October, I want to encourage you to check in with yourself, not just mentally, but physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Wendy is the Purpose Partner helping women go from Crossroads to Confidence, from Shaken to Unshakable, from Purpose to Power. To learn more visit WendyGladney.com and ForgivingForLiving.org