Connecct Before You Correct

Recently, I had the honor of being a guest on a podcast called Kids in the Spotlight with Tige Charity. The conversation was filled with heart, honesty, and purpose. As we talked about the work, we both do to help young people rise above their circumstances and see their worth, Tige shared a phrase that deeply resonated with me: “We must connect before we correct.” Those words landed in my spirit like a truth I already knew but had not yet fully named. Whether we are working with children, mentoring young women, leading teams, or building relationships, the principle remains the same, people respond best when they feel seen, heard, and valued. Correction without connection feels like criticism. But connection builds the bridge for growth, accountability, and real transformation.

Connection starts with presence. It means slowing down long enough to truly see someone. To listen not just with your ears but with your heart. When you connect, you build trust, and trust opens the door to influence. In my work with young women through Forgiving For Living, I have seen firsthand that before a young woman can embrace new possibilities, she must first believe that she is worthy of them. Many of the girls we serve have faced rejection, trauma, or environments where their voices did not matter. So, before we can encourage them to change a behavior or set a new standard, we must first remind them that they are valuable and loved just as they are. Connection is not about fixing someone; it is about meeting them where they are. Once they know you care, they will be more open to receive guidance, redirection, and even correction, not as punishment, but as love in motion.

We live in a world quick to judge and slow to understand. In schools, workplaces, homes, and even churches, people are often told what they are doing wrong without ever being asked what they are going through. Correction without compassion hardens hearts. How often do we try to fix people before we try to understand their circumstances? Whether it is a teenager who is acting out, a colleague who missed the mark, or a friend who made a poor choice, our instinct is often to point out the problem. But until we have taken time to connect, to learn their story, understand their struggle, and affirm their humanity, our words, even if true, will likely fall on deaf ears. Connection gives correction credibility. It turns confrontation into conversation. It shifts what is wrong with you to what happened to you?

I think back to moments in my own life when I needed connection more than correction. When I was a young girl, navigating abandonment and uncertainty, it was my grandmother, Mother Dear, who connected with me first. She did not scold or shame me for my pain. She listened. She loved me through it. Her words and actions told me that I mattered. Only after that deep connection did she guide me toward faith, discipline, and purpose. That experience shaped who I am today and how I lead as The Purpose Partner. I have learned that when we lead with empathy and grace, transformation naturally follows. People grow best in environments where they feel safe, supported, and seen, not where they feel condemned or corrected into compliance.

As leaders, mentors, and guides, we hold both the responsibility and the privilege of shaping lives. But our impact is not measured by how many people we correct, it is measured by how many hearts we connect with and help transform.

As I reflect on that conversation with Tige Charity, I am reminded that the world does not need more people pointing fingers; it needs more people extending hands. Whether you are raising children, leading a team, mentoring the next generation, or simply trying to love better, remember to connect before you correct. That is how real transformation begins.

Wendy is The Purpose Partner, Life Strategist, Coach, Consultant, Author, and Speaker.

Healing Without Hate: It's a choice. It's a lifestyle. Pass it on. Visit www.WendyGladney.com and www.forgivingforliving.org to learn more.